Many of us are, by our nature, “people pleasers.” We want to say yes. We want people to be happy with us. We want to feel the sensation that comes along with being told, “Thank you.”
Saying “No” doesn’t come naturally and requires effort. The context of my thoughts are not about necessarily about saying no to people (when asked to do something), but rather learning when not to do certain things:
- When not to read an email
- When not to read a text
- When not to answer the phone
- When not to reply to an email
- When not to reply to a text
- When not to speak or answer a question
- Not doing these things requires knowing yourself well enough to know:
- When you’re not in your BEST mental place
- When your anxiety is teetering on the ‘edge of the stress ledge’ and one minor thing could push you over
- When your heart isn’t ready to handle a situation
- When you can’t treat the person you’re interacting with the way they deserve
It takes practice….learning when not to do things…..learning how to say “No” in these situations. You have to pay attention to your mental, physical, and emotional queues. You have to know how much fuel you have left in your emotional tank.
If you don’t have enough emotional fuel, don’t read that email or text that will drain the tank and leave you on empty for the rest of your day. Glance at it, but cut the supply of fuel immediately. Go back to it only when you know you’re ready. When other, more important tasks, have been successfully completed and you know that you can address the email or text with a clean slate.
Pay close attention and realize when it may not be the best time to talk to the person you Love, the ones you value most over everyone else. Say, “I’m sorry I can’t discuss this right now.” Be real. Give them the mental and emotional respect they deserve. They will appreciate that you are not giving them ‘partial attention.’ They will appreciate that the responses you give will not be reactionary or emotional. They will know when the time comes that you do talk…that you are giving them 100% of your best self.
Do your best to be mentally, physically, and emotionally responsible with every single written word and action. Give your best with your ears, your eyes, your touch, and your words. Don’t do it, read it, listen to it, or watch it until you can give it as much of your heart and mind as it deserves without draining your tank.